Night Court Countdown
by Thor2000
Summary: It's a few years after Night Court had gone off the air and things have changed in the courtroom. Harry is in a race to finish before midnight, but everyone else with a cancelled series keeps coming by! I've updated, reformatted and added more cases.
1. Default Chapter

5:03

Harry Stone wandered into his chambers pulling on his robe as he picked up the file for tonight's docket. It looked heavy, but then that was the way it was every Halloween. It was just something in the air that drove Manhattan nuts every time this time of the year rolled round. The eccentrics came out looking for life after death, the morally corrupt used the holiday rituals as an excuse to break the law and the intoxicated and decadent embraced the darkness to try and hide their dirty deeds. Among them, Judge Harry T. Stone brought his pet to work with him. While most people had dogs or cats or even a parrot, the honorable Manhattan magistrate brought his fruit bat named Tito to share the holiday with him. Amidst the hookers in masks and the felons hiding in costumes, working photographer and filmmaker Mac Robinson still indulged in his night job as a court clerk.

"Hey, Harry," Mac the court clerk came in grinning. "Ready for another night of ghosts and goblins and getting underpaid."

"Sure." Harry looks back. "I thought you said after last year you'd be calling in sick. I mean, after that funny business with the séance and the pea soup..."

"Did I say that?" Mac was obviously hiding something. "Well, let's just say I have my ace in the hole. Besides, it's Quon Lee's time of the month and I needed out!"

"Uh huh." Harry still wanted the other shoe to drop. "And..."

"And Judge Crutcher's in the hospital and we get to do his in addition to ours." Mac grinned trying to make the best of a bad situation. "In all, about 301, and it has to be done by midnight again."

"Are they crazy??" Harry glared back. "Why do they keep dumping everyone's case loads on us?"

"Because they know we can do it." Mac stood with a bit of a posture.

"We were racing last time when it was 297, but 301..." Harry continued, dropped to his sofa with his robe open to his Snoopy tie and rolled his eyes in disgust. "Well, it's only four more, but we will really have to book it. Thank god, we finally got a decent public defender to replace Mallory. Walters has the defense picked back up to when Christine ran it."

"Not any more." Mac was very blasé about the lack of personnel. "She requested a change of venue."

"What?!" Harry stood up with vengeance. "Why'd she leave?!!"

"I only asked her to lick my chest hairs!" The voice of Dan Fielding reacted in the presence of Roz walking him into Harry's chambers. She backed him into the room. "It's not like I asked her to hold my balls."

"Your honor," Roz looked up. "Mr. Sexual Harassment."

"You drove off another public defender!!" Harry grabbed his croquet mallet eager to hit Fielding with it. "What is with you, Fielding? Are you not happy unless everyone is angry at you?" He slid his mallet through his fingers like a pool cue into Dan's face.

"Is it my fault they're all unstable?" Dan winced in imaginary pain as Harry loomed over him with that mallet. He straightened his tie and turned solemn. "Once Christine left the assembly, we should have got her back in the public defender's office. She knew how I worked, but, no….. They had to make her a judge and then you had to marry her!" Dan looked to Harry upset. "Neither Mallory or Jennifer were decent replacements for her."

"Dan," Harry glared at him ready to knock him out. "You have sexually-harassed every public defender we've had since and before Christine. You only want Christine back because she wouldn't sue you."

"She earned my respect." Dan stated the obvious. "And the fact she was really built."

"We have a replacement coming up." Roz looked to Harry a bit annoyed to be going through Dan's list of failed conquests.

"I hope she's experienced." Harry fretted over the size of the docket.

"I hope she's built!" Dan grinned in private.

"I'm back!" A familiar voice poked its head in as everyone turned around. Immediately recognizing the short, skinny blonde with short hair, Harry, Mac and Roz hugged their lost friend as Dan lusted after her and mentally undressed her. Billie Young had been a temporary public defender Harry's second year on the bench, but only for a short time. Harry liked her, but then she was reassigned and his future wife came along and…

"Billie!" Harry hugged her. "What are you doing here? How's Queens? Are you staying?"

"Well, no," Billie Young's New York accent had a reverb on her voice as she answered the last question first. "They said you need help and when I recognized the name I volunteered! I also heard you married, Harry."

"Oh, yeah," Harry grinned and crossed his arms. "Christine Sullivan, your replacement. She's a judge now after serving in the state assembly."

"Yeah," Billie grinned uncontrollably as she hugged Mac, briefly recognized Roz and looked back to Harry. "I've heard stories of weirdness out of your court too, Harry. Are things still crazy here?"

"No, not really," Mac answered. "Things are almost normal."

"Back! Back, I say!!" Bailiff Bull Shannon screamed from the hallway with armor over his uniform. Wielding a sword and shield, he was fighting off something very big, reptilian and breathing fire as he forced the creature down the hallway.


	2. Chapter 2

7:37

"Well," Harry was well into court as he raced everyone through. "New York is glad to have you tourists passing through, but I'm afraid we have to draw the line to anyone speeding and jumping over the traffic lights at a hundred and twenty miles an hour. A hundred dollar fine and try and slow down as you head home." He pounded the gavel.

"You're exactly right, your honor." The old-timer stood with his two nephews. "I told them exactly the same thing." He turned round and swatted the one closest to him. "Get going! We still need to get the General out of the impound yard!"

"Don't hit me Uncle Jesse." Luke looked back to his uncle. "It was Bo who was driving not me!"

"Oh yeah," Bo lead the way out. "Well, eight years of getting surprised by Rosco's going to get anyone a little shaky."

"All right, Mac," Harry pushed on. "What are we down to? 250? 240?"

"How about 284?" Mac dropped another twenty files from his table.

"That's all?!!!"

"This is crazy!" Billie gawked at the caseload. "How can we handle this huge a load?"

"Rookie." Dan grinned at her as she shot him a look. "But seriously, Harry, I say we quit on time and do the rest tomorrow."

"We can't do that!" Mac refused to give up. "We're the ones who set the standard..."

"Yeah." Harry heard him.

"We're the ones who set the records..." Mac added.

"Yeah!" Harry felt the spirit.

"We the ones everyone laughed at, but we showed them!"

"Yeah!!" Harry cheered as Dan and Billie rolled their eyes. "Lay one on me, Macintosh!!!!"

"Newman vs. Constanza, sir!!!"

"Yeah!!!!" Harry looked over to two guys of same height and different bodies. The fatter one in a postal uniform had dark curly hair while the not so fat one was balancing broken glasses on the tip of his nose.

"Sir," Dan started. "Neuman Newman, here..." Dan turned and grinned at the obese mailman. "Your parents had a lot of imagination." He cleared his throat. "Mr. Newman delivers mail to the defendant, Mr. George Constanza, but the two of them got into an altercation the other day over stolen Playboys and began beating each other senselessly. Constanza, I might add, was released a few months ago after serving a year for violating the Good Samaritan law."

"Sir," Billie continued. "Mr. Constanza has known Mr. Newman for years. The two have had an unpleasant dealings before..."

"He's been stealing my Playboys!!!!" Constanza yelled.

"Prove it!!!!" Newman yelled back.

"I haven't got one issue since I got out of prison!!!!" Constanza yelled back. "I had the subscription paid off to 2015!!!"

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!!!!" Harry pounded the gavel and looked the two over. "Obviously, you two have a lot of hatred invested in each other and neither of you are willing to budge. I'm fining the two of you $200 dollars and turning the case over to a higher court. In the meantime, get a life!!!!" He hit the gavel hard.

"Your honor," Constanza came closer and peeked over the edge of the judge's bench as Newman walked off. "$200 bucks, please, have a heart. I haven't been able to get a job since I got released. He's evil, he's the embodiment of everything unholy, and he's… he's a mailman!!!"

"Sounds like my landlord." Roz mumbled from her place in the court.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Constanza." Harry signed a paper. "Maybe if you check with human resources they can help you..." George wandered away slowly and feeling sorry for himself as Harry looked up. Billie looked up at him feeling a bit sorry for him but she also had some second thoughts.

"What kind of guy pays off a magazine that many years in advance?" She asked out loud as she took her place again.

"Mine's paid off to the 31st century." Dan grinned at her. Harry and Mac shot a look of disbelief at him. Behind them, Christine Sullivan-Stone, the former lawyer hottie and now a criminal court sex symbol slipped in to the courtroom behind him. In her days on the bench, she had been on Court TV twice and had inherited cult stardom on the Internet. The former public defender waved warmly to her predecessor as Dan acknowledged her. Garbed in a violet ensemble with a white blouse, the former defense lawyer and state assemblyperson passed behind Mac and whispered to her husband covertly behind his judge's bench.

"Harry, what time do you want to have dinner?" She asked him.

"We're not having one." Harry whispered back. "We got to be finished by midnight."

"Well, how heavy is the docket?" Christine asked.

"Go get the rest of it, Art." Mac shouted out to the hall.

"Sure thing, Mac!" Art Fensterman, one of the building supers, called from the hallway and started backing the forklift with its usual warning sounds. Hearing those sounds, Christine looked out to Art backing the forklift, made a face and looked back to Harry. Harry just gave her the look that reminded her she had started in his court, and she should be used to it by now.


	3. Chapter 3

8:02

"First off," Harry looked at the proud neighborhood watch who had caught the person terrorizing their kids. "I'd like to recommend I am truly impressed with you parents who found the time to bind together and catch this creep who has been brain-washing your kids. I want you to know that this sort of thing is not allowed and no one is going to let him get away with it ever again. Bull, take him away."

"Right, Harry," Bull grabbed the guy in the big purple dinosaur costume and began dragging him away to lock-up.

"But, Bull, I love you too!!!!!"

"Oh god, not that song again!!!!" Bull's eyes watered as the dragged the purple idiot off.

"Here we go, sir," Mac dropped another file. "Case 253, Carey vs. Bobeck, public disturbance." Harry looked up as two more people came out arguing and fighting with each other. The tall hefty guy was attired quite dapperly, but the short fat woman was dressed like a clown replete with the make-up.

"Why can't anyone come out with a nice thing to say?" Billie asked.

"It ain't possible." Dan responded as he went into legal mode. "Sir, the assailants are here for the retailer's seminar here..."

"Oh, rival stores?"

"No, same store." Dan revealed to stunned surprise. "Unfortunately, their yelling and fighting at each other turned into a pie fight that turned into a riot that required police three hours to put an end to."

"Hey," Mimi Bobeck tugged at Dan's jacket. "You get me out of here and I'll show you the same kind of good time that I save for Joe Walsh."

"Trust me," Carey quipped. "I don't think he wants anything to do with anything that sleeps in straw standing up."

"You'd be surprised." Billie answered.

"People." Harry pounded his gavel just before the fat female clown started to deck the chubby fat guy in the bowtie. "Now, who started the fight?"

"She did, your honor." Drew straightened his tie, closed his jacket and came forward. "Mimi Bobeck is downright evil, she's the embodiment of everything unholy, and she's..."

"A mail man?" Roz quipped.

"No," Drew thought it over. "But it might explain why Mailman Bob has never been by my home in Cleveland."

"That's it, Carey." Mimi clenched her fist. "You're going down." She threw her punch as Drew ducked out of the way to the floor. Mimi's fist meanwhile made contact elsewhere. Billie had turned to the tiny fat fist as it hit her square in her face.

"Billie!!" Harry leaned over his bench as Billie dropped and Roz restrained Bobeck.

"Oh no," Drew grinned. "Kong is loose!!" He stood up alone by the D.A. as Harry reacted to his unconscious public defender collapsing to the floor.

"Contempt of court!!" Harry hit his gavel. "Roz."

"I'll get you for this, Carey." Mimi screamed. "I'll get you for this!!!" She was screaming a constant volley of profanity as Roz dragged her from the room. Drew stood leaning on Harry's bench as he watched the spectacle.

"It wasn't the airplanes…" Carey quipped with a grin to Harry. "T'was beast that killed the beauty."

"What are we going to do without a public defender now?" Mac lifted Billie unconscious to her feet.

"Easy," Dan grinned. "We stop and continue tomorrow."

"We can't do that." Mac answered. "We've still got almost two hundred and fifty cases to cover."

"Don't look at me." Carey was still standing around. "I'm a personnel director, not a lawyer!" He did his best Star Trek impression.

"Reporting for duty, sir!" Christine had rushed in, picking up Billie's folder eager to fill in and once more take her old spot. In her mind, she was disputing the legal ramifications, but in her heart she flashed back on her much loved years in the public defender's office and was wanting to once again work with the man who was now her husband.

"She can't do that!!" Dan vehemently objected.

"She looks like she can do anything she wants." Drew eyeballed Christine's wonderful figure and focused on her thirty-eight inch bust straining from her blouse. For some reason, he pictured Christine wearing Lynda Carter's old Wonder Woman bustier under that violet jacket and skirt combo.

"Tick-tock, sir!" Mac leaned to Harry still holding Billie's unconscious form in his arms..

"But, Mac, Christine's no longer a..."

"When was the last time you followed by the rules??" Mac shot back.

"Come on, Harry," Christine was ready. "You need the help! I'll smooth things over later!"

"She's a judge now!!" Dan screamed. "We need a public defender!!!" Harry covered his face as Drew's big face came within his own.

"Hey, give her a chance." Carey answered still mooning over Christine.

"Next case, Mac!!" Harry decided to continue with his wife back like old times. Dan tossed Carey's file behind him as Mac cheered and dropped Billie.

"Otis Campbell." Mac picked Billie up and handed the file over. "Public drunkenness." Bull had escorted a short, fat man in a rumpled suit.

"A man after my own heart." Drew grinned as a random bailiff in the courtroom escorted him to step out of the way and sit down in the courtroom benches. Taking his place out of the way, Carey sat and watched the proceeding and wished he had some popcorn.

"Sir," Dan dejectedly continued. "Mr. Campbell was picked up intoxicated near Central Park."

"Sir," Christine felt good to be back in the flow of things again. "Defense asks for leniency since he's visiting from out of town."

"Mister Campbell," Harry turned to the tipsy tourist. "Have you anything to say?"

"Yeah," Campbell looked around. "Who are you people and how the heck did I get here?!! This ain't Mayberry!"


	4. Chapter 4

8:34

"Where are they?" Harry looked for the defendants. Reaching forward to the edge, he pulled himself over the top and looked over it. Boston heiress London Tipton and California heiress Sharpay Evans were standing there all right. Cute, Asian and petite, London was holding her pet Pomeranian. Blonde, petite and sometimes evil, Sharpay was holding her pet Chihuahua. They both looked up to Judge Stone climbing over his bench to see them.

"Sir, the two Paris Hilton-wannabe's…" Dan started. Both the spoiled rich heiresses took offense at that reference. "Started a riot at Monique's, a new trendy fashion place."

"She said I had hair extensions…" London gasped in shock. "And split ends!" She shrieked and pointed at Sharpay.

"Oh yeah!" Sharpay screamed and pointed back. "She said I looked like some sort of candy girl!"

"Do we have a witness as to who started the fight?" Harry asked.

"Yes sir," Christine reverted back to her old defense lawyer identity as if it were her favorite sweater. She pointed to a blonde young lady in back in Country Western clothes standing with her father.

"Hey, look! It's Hannah Montana!!!!" Someone screamed. Hannah beamed and waved as hand-held phones snapped pictures of her. Escorted by her father, Hanna neatly walked up between London and Sharpay both thinking they were her best friend.

"You were there?!" Harry was a bit star-struck. Overwhelmed and star-struck himself, Dan turned and started breathing into a paper bag.

"My son loves your music!!" Christine even fawned a bit to the teen pop star.

"Thanks…" Hannah turned back. "Uh, your honor…" Her Tennessee accent danced through her voice. "I was there before it started, and from my point of view, they both started it." Both London and Sharpay gasped at that accusation. "They were pulling tug-o-war with a blouse and it ripped, sending them into opposite directions and a lot of people who then reacted."

"Your honor…" Robbie Ray, Hannah's manager, leaned in. "Could we speed this up? She's got to catch a flight for a concert in Los Angeles!"

"So do I!!!" London and Sharpay screamed out loud.

"I've heard enough." Harry leaned back. "Since a monetary fine or a jail sentence wouldn't hurt either of you two girls…" He split his gaze between Sharpay and London. "I'm going to turn you both over to a higher power… your parents!!!"

"No!!!!" London and Sharpay screamed together and jumped toward Harry to reconsider. London was even starting to climb over the bench as Roz reached over both of them and started carrying them off. Hannah signed an autograph for Christine, noticed Dan beaming over her presence and looked for her father to protect her as she departed. Mac picked up another case from the stack and skipped up next to Harry.

"Sir," Mac grinned. "Case number two hundred. Daisy Mae Moses, moonshining." Bull carried out a screeching granny in a prairie hat and army boots. Once set down, she took her purse and began browbeating the big, bald bailiff.

"Sir," Dan glanced over the feisty grandma. "Mrs. Moses here was located in Central Park brewing illegal whiskey."

"I was not." The little old lady just barely looked up to Harry through her bifocals. "I was just fixing a little something to keep warm through the winter."

"What do you call it?" Harry's eyes drifted from Christine back to the moonshining granny.

"Rheumatiz medicine!" The granny stood proud of it.

"And it has in no way has any liquor in it?"

"Well," The old lady hid a bit of a guilty grin. "I wouldn't light a match near it to find out."

"Ma'am," Harry grinned. "You see, the problem..."

"Your honor?" A mustached fellow in a dark country suit came up.

"Yes sir?"

"I'm Jed Clampett, this is my mother-in-law." The figure with the mustache looked up honestly. "If I pay her fine, and she promises not to make her medicine, can I take her home with me?"

"Council?" Harry turned to Dan.

"Fine."

"Christine?"

"Not a problem."

"We can remit her into your custody." Harry banged his gavel. "But her fine is quite hefty. Can you handle it?"

"I reckon so." Clampett pulled out a wad of bills that made Dan stand at attention and follow Clampett's presence through and out of the courtroom. He felt drawn to their presence as Harry called him.

"Oh Dan?"

"Just a minute, Harry," Dan grinned. "Just... falling in love."

"Right," Harry turned to Mac. "What's next?"

"The owners of that big lizard that Bull was dueling." Mac replied as a tall figure in a white face and Transylvanian tuxedo strided forward. Next to him was an eerie apparition of a woman in long dark hair wearing coffin lining. They stood before Harry grinning pleasantly.

"Uhhhhh," Mac looked at the papers. "Count Vladimir Dracula and his daughter Lily." He and Harry exchanged glances knowing they had seen both of these people somewhere before.

"Yes," The vampiric gentleman grinned. "We're here to pick up Spot." He whipped out a huge dog collar over seven feet long and a foot wide. The huge hubcap-sized plate read "Spot."

"Spot?" Christine asked.

"Our family pet." Lily Munster looked like the star of an old zombie flick and beamed like a grand dame dressed in a gown made from coffin wrappings. "Oh, our son cried all morning when he vanished from the hotel. I sent my husband over this morning to pick him up as soon as we got the message you had him."

Outside the courtroom, people were yelling and screaming and running for the stairs as Herman Munster led Spot through the hallway. He couldn't figure out why the crowds of everyone who saw them ran in fright from their presence.

"No need to worry, he's had his shots!!" Munster called ahead to the running people then scratched his flat head and continued leading Spot by the loose skin under his neck. He turned the corner and ran into Bull Shannon. Bull looked at Munster's dark green jacket and pants with a black shirt, and Herman looked at his dark blue bailiff's uniform. The two seemed to regard each other for the moment with mutual respect as if they knew each other.

"You know," Bull started. "With hair, I'd look taller too."


	5. Chapter 5

9:11

Sitting in a corner of the cafeteria eating the lunch she had brought with her, Gladys Kravitz worked the crossword in her copy of the New York Times. She always came to New York when her niece came to visit Tabitha Stephens, her old childhood friend, but now another of Tabitha's friends, Sabrina Spellman up from Boston, had joined the two of them. While the three young girls were off shopping and sharing time, Gladys sat and waited for her appointment to clear up one of her great mysteries of her life.

"Mrs. Kravitz?" Sam and Dean Winchester, paranormal detectives, appeared in the cafeteria near her. "Hi, I'm Sam… we talked over the phone. This is my brother, Dean…" Dean lightly waved as they sat by her. "You said you wanted to tell us about your old neighbor in Connecticut, a woman named Samantha Stephens?"

"Yes, that's right…" Gladys placed her newspaper and purse aside. "You guys look into weird things. Well, she's about as weird as they come! Things are always vanishing and reappearing around her…"

"Vanishing and reappearing?" Dean shared a look to his brother. "In what way?"

"Like magic…" Gladys reacted theatrically cynical and annoyed. "I was afraid for my life all the years I lived near her!"

"In what way…" Sam started then noticed someone was shadowing them. The two brothers looked up to the FBI Agent that had been shadowing them.

"I thought I told you guys I didn't want you talking to Gladys Kravitz before we could." Agent Fox Mulder stood by the table garbed in his loose and askew dark suit. By his side was the incredibly attractive Agent Dana Scully in an emerald green jacket and skirt combo with her black blouse parted nearly down to her cleavage. She crossed her arms annoying as the Winchester brothers eyed her chest in unison. Mulder parted the two brothers from the table.

"Great…" Sam rose and left the agents to talk to Kravitz without them. They slowly drifted from the cafeteria. "I'm almost positive Samantha Stephens could help lead us to our father." He whispered under breath to Dean. Briefly peeking into Stone's courtroom, Dean and stopped and gestured to his brother.

"Doesn't that blonde look familiar?!" He asked Sam.

"Yeah, she's hot!" Sam noticed.

"No…" Dean smacked him upside the head. "From Sunnyside!!!" They flashed back on a case with animated dead zombies.

"Let me get this straight," Harry grinned down upon the attractive blonde. "You chased this man for eight blocks, jumped down three stories, pursued him through the sewer, the supermarket and the park over seven miles and twenty-four blocks non-stop before catching him and pushing a stake through his chest."

"That's correct." The cute and petite blonde stood between Dan and Christine as her head barely broke the level of the bench.

"Buffy," Harry grinned again. "If that is your real name..." He said it as if he denied it. "You do realize that's murder."

"It is if you make it that." Buffy answered.

"Sir," Christine spoke up. "There is a bit of a... Sticky-wicket to this case. The coroner's examination of the dead-man's body was re-examined five more times by Dr. Temperance Brennan. She concurs as did the pathologist and testifies in her report that it had already been dead for... three hundred and forty-six years."

Harry had an odd look come over his face as he gazed at the harmless looking attractive blonde. She sheepishly rolled her eyes as if the news was nothing special to her. Dan stepped away and into his place once more as if nothing surprised him anymore. He tossed Buffy's arrest file over his back.

"Prosecution." Harry turned to Dan.

"Let's just sweep this under the carpet and make it go away." Dan mumbled out loud.

"Sounds good to me." Harry pounded his gavel as that case gave him the willies. Roz took Buffy away as Mac lifted another thirty cases and dropped them by Harry's side.

"Case 185," He was getting tired as they carried on. "Tom Sawyer… assault…"

An unshaven blonde guy with long hair was lead out by Bull. Annoyingly glaring around the room, he struck a pose between Dan and Christine and stood annoyed and ready to get his punishment.

"Tom Sawyer?" Harry grinned at his name. "Hey, where's Huckleberry Finn?"

"Could we move this along, Sparky…." Sawyer groused a bit twirling his fingers. "I got a plane trip to Australia to catch."

"Right…" Harry miffed annoyingly at his attitude. "Prosecution?"

"Mr. Happy, here…" Dan sneered at Sawyer. "Yeah, I can do the nicknames too!" He recomposed himself. "Attacked a patron at a restaurant on fourth…"

"This guy was getting on my nerves…" Sawyer rolled his eyes.

"Sir," Christine looked over the case file. "Defense may call for dropping the charges since the defendant isn't here to represent himself."

"I'm here…" Private Investigator Adrian Monk treaded in slowly and dismayed the unsanitary nature of the building. Wearing plastic gloves and spraying disinfectant, he avoided getting touched to approach the bench. "Your honor…" He forced a nervous grin. "I've got this… obsessive compulsive disorder." He mused on how his nature affected others. "I decided against pressing charges. I understand I may…. Sometimes…. Annoy others."

"That makes my job simple." Harry pounded his gavel. "Charges dropped."

"Thanks buddy…" Sawyer grinned annoyingly and grabbed Monk to hug and pat his back, but not to thank him but just to annoy him right back. Once released, Monk screamed, dropped his aerosol and whipped out another to spay around him. Sawyer continued his way out with Dan and Christine watching Monk racing out to find a sterile place.

"Next case, sir…" Mac produced the next case. "John Hemingway, soliciting a prostitute."

"I wasn't soliciting her." Hemingway was lead by a bailiff other than Roz or Bull. "She was a friend. I was just offering her a few bucks to get by on." Hemingway stopped and looked at Dan by him. They looked like twins except Hemingway was heavier and longer hair. They looked like one actor from two different TV series. Dan was more distinguishingly attired in his suit as the man he was prosecuting was more casually dressed in Dockers and a white shirt and tie. Harry and Mac dropped their jaws as they refused to believe it. Another guy who looked liked Dan….

"Please tell me I'm looking in a mirror." Dan saw their resemblance. Christine hadn't even noticed yet!

"Sir," She began and slowly noticed the two of them looked alike. "Mr. Hemingway was... Oh my god, someone cloned Dan!!!!!!!!"

Standing in her spot, Roz had turned to look at Bull.

"You missed Hannah Montana." She told him. Bull looked to her and went into shock!

"She was here!!!" He dropped his jaw as his hand reached up and slapped his baldhead for not being here to get her autograph.


	6. Chapter 6

9:42

"Sir," Mac hovered over Harry with more files. "It seems we got repeat offenders."

"Really," Harry was busy signing paper. "Can you be more specific?"

"The people call William Collins, Henry Desmond, Andrea Welch, Matthew Oh, Steve Barnette and Larry Wedekind," Mac paused catching his breath listing Harry's ghost-hunting buddies down from Collinsport, Maine. Collins was the heir to a wealthy New England family; Henry was a popular New York writer known for ghost stories based on real cases. "Charge, malicious mischief and trespassing." Dan parted the way as the six ghost hunters returned to the courtroom. Collins, the reputable ringleader of the group, paused and leaned on the bench as he looked into Harry's eyes as usual as if things were business as usual. His band of paranormal misfits stood standing tiredly and exhaustively.

"Harry," Collins began as the team's field director. "This is getting ridiculous. Every time I come down from Collinsport to New York for Halloween, I get arrested. If you're trying to get my attention, call me on the phone."

"Why don't you come in the spring when it's three for one?" Dan mused out loud then turned serious. "Sir, the super-naturals here were exploring the abandoned subway tunnels under Manhattan and ended up under City Hall..."

"We didn't know where we were." Matthew Oh spoke up with his thick Korean accent. "It dark down there."

"They ended up collapsing and knocking out power to parts of Lower Manhattan." Dan continued.

"Harry," Wedekind pushed forward. "The tunnels down there are unstable. We crashed through them by accident and that's what knocked the power out… by accident. The most you got us for is trespassing." Larry was a law assistant back in Maine with William's wife, Ally McBeal-Collins, an old friend of Christine's who had interned with her.

"Well, that's not up to me." Harry turned to Christine. "Defense?"

"What he said." Christine replied.

"Then the usual." Harry pounded his gavel. "A hundred dollar fine for each of you and time served, but I'll suspended the sentence again to time served. How about a séance tonight, buddy?" He leaned across to William.

"A séance?" Collins and his team were on their way to getting their gear from the property room. "Not tonight, I got a headache."

"Thank goodness," Mac hovered nearby trying to keep the season from becoming more surreal. "Next case, Kelly Anderson, failure to pay rent."

"That's funny," Harry barely looked up. "I got a cousin named…" He recognized her. "Kelly??!" He finally looked up, recognized her and realized it was his cousin!

"Hi, Harry." The pretty blonde grinned and waved embarrassingly.

"My, what a night for reunions." Roz quipped from where she was.

"What happened?" Harry looked at his cousin. "I thought you were at the law firm of Morton and Hayes?"

"They went out of business." Kelly seemed to plead her own case. "Do you know how expensive it is to live in Manhattan?!"

"Harry," Christine interjected between her husband and his cousin. "Seeing as you two are related, it might be prejudicial for you to see her case."

"She's three months overdue in rent." Dan looked at her file.

"They're right." Harry sat back restrained by what he could do. "I have to send this case to another court, but if you come back after midnight, I'll see what I can do to help you."

"Thanks, Harry." Kelly beamed and Roz gently showed her away. "You always did take care of me." She turned away as Mac called another case. As she did, Henry Desmond from Collins' ghost-hunting crew motioned to her and handed her a card after listening to her plight.

"Here," He had something written on the back of his card. "The Susan B. Anthony Hotel For Women. The manager there is a close friend of mine; she'll let you stay there for nothing till you're back on your feet."

"Thank you." Kelly grinned warmly as she recalled the hotel. "Didn't two guys dressed as women stay there for almost three years before they moved out?"

"Oh," Desmond made a face since he and his friend Kip Wilson had been those guys. "You know, I never heard a thing about that..." He slinked away hoping he wasn't recognized.


	7. Chapter 7

10:07

"We're halfway there," Mac pulled the next case. "This is number 176. People call John Doe."

"That's not his real name, I bet." Harry looked over.

"Wait till you hear this," Mac grinned as a longhaired fellow came up to the bench. "The police arrested him for standing in the middle of traffic."

"And why would you do that?" Harry turned to the prisoner.

"I was preparing to be picked up by a ship from my home planet to rejoin my wife and son." The fellow answered.

"And you are?" Dan glared at this person.

"Mork from Ork." He whipped his hand out. "Nanoo-nanoo."

"Right," Dan turned grinning to Harry. "Harry, why do we get the weirdos?!"

"A little time in the laughing academy?" Mac knew the number by heart.

"Defense?"

"Well," Christine looked at Mork grinning at her. "Let's beam him up."

"Beaming up." Harry picked up his gavel.

"Delay that Order!"

"Excuse me?" Harry looked up and saw two guys in black suits. One was a dark haired older gentlemen and the other was a younger black man with a thin mustache. They looked like they belonged in a Barry Sonnefield movie.

"Yo, Kay." Mork recognized them. "Yo, Jay."

"This person is under my jurisdiction." The older gentleman called Kay responded. "His rights fall under my protection. If you'll sign him over to me."

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to see papers giving you permission to take him." Harry looked across.

"Papers?" Jay started as he and his partner whipped out sunglasses to wear and then small pens. "Right here." A flash of light from both of their pens blinded both the staff and the people in the courtroom as Kay exchanged the file in Mac's hand. Harry and his staff blinked twice as they wondered what was going on to them.

"Your honor," Kay started to make up new events for them after the brainwashing. "I changed my mind; I'd rather drop the charges."

"What?" Harry looked around. "Oh, uh, yes, Mister..." He looked at the file. "Smith. Well, the next time you and your brother get into a fight, please keep it at home."

"We'll do that." Kay and Jay escorted Mork out.

"I love it when you guys do that!" Mork replied.

"Yeah, right." Kay led the way back out as Bull stopped Jay.

"When can I join the team?" He asked. "I've sent my application in twelve times!"

"Bull," Jay peeked over his glasses with the presence of Will Smith. "You have to pass the test."

"Could you at least say hello to Zed for me?" Bull beamed back and Jay departed. Bull took his spot back and stood watching the proceeding with himself at attention. Roz looked at the big bald bailiff.

"What was that about?" She asked.

"What was what about?" Bull looked at her.

"Uhhh," Harry tried to get his bearings. "Mac? Uhhh, next."

"What?" Mac looked down. "Oh yeah, more repeat offenders."

"What?!" Dan responded. "Who is it this time?!!"

"I'll give you a hint." Mac was not happy to see these people. "The patrol car that picked them up blew up. The jail was hit by lightning five times while they were here. The air-conditioning froze the water heater in the floor beneath them..."

"Hello," A nasally voice answered. "It's us again."

"Bob and June Wheeler…." Harry slumped back as Dan and Christine stepped away from them than to get hit by their bad luck. These people had been through his court seven times in his career and once even once owned the counter in the cafeteria. Unfortunately, once they had realized they had been ripped off, they had tried getting their money back by charging the items for twenty-five times they were worth. What scared Harry the most was that he had never saw the daughter again they once had when they first appeared in his court. He looked at them a bit annoyed by the bad luck they seemed to attract. "Why? Why are you here this time?"

"Their RV blocked the Lincoln Tunnel into New Jersey." Dan answered. "It took hours to take it apart."

"Just before the gas exploded." Bob answered.

"Thank goodness the broken pipe put out the fire." June added.

"It was so pretty when it all froze over." Bob looked up.

"Defense." Harry turned to Christine.

"Uh," Christine thought they were so pathetic as she checked her file. "Oh, uh, Mrs. Wheeler has cousins coming to pick them up."

"Yep," June looked up forlornly. "They have a cafe for us to sleep in."

"It'll be like a dream come true." Bob looked to the ceiling.

"What... cousins?" Dan was afraid to ask.

"Hi, I'm Larry," A figure poked through with two dim-witted brothers. "This is my brother, Darryl, and that's my other brother, Darryl."


	8. Chapter 8

10:53

Dan sipped his coffee as he forced himself to go on. He turned toward his left and sat on the railing behind him as he perused the next case as he saw Harry's cousin sitting behind him. Leaning back in her seat, she looked at him, beamed a little bit and then grinned a little bit toward him.

"You're sort of cute." She admitted. Dan looked around for someone else with his coffee mug still in place then looked back.

"Oh, " The thought hit him. "You're talking to me?!"

"Yeah," Kelly stirred a bit. "I bet your wife just loves those big brown eyes of yours…. And your dreamy salt and pepper hair…" Her alabaster fingers danced through his hair.

"I'm not married."

"You're not married?" Kelly continued. "How can I guy like you go this long without getting married?"

"Luck." Dan claimed.

"You know," Kelly leaned forward captivatingly. "I'd sure love it if a cute guy like you were to take me out."

"I probably shouldn't..." Dan straightened his tie with one pass. "You're Harry's cousin, and...Damn, you got great legs." Harry's cousin looked a lot like that blonde that did mornings with Regis Philbin.

"Oh, Danny, boy..." Harry, Mac and Christine were watching from afar. "Would you care to join our tea party over here?"

"Yes, sir," Dan looked guilty as Kelly sat back once more. "Just discussing... Chicken leg recipes." He looked back as she beamed smitteningly to him and moved her fingers daintily to him.

"Next case, sir," Mac continued as Harry glared to Dan with terror in mind. "Hyneman and Savage, reckless disregard to safety, illegal use of explosives and public disturbance..." He looked up to the bald guy in the beret and his partner with the fedora, eyeglasses and brown Air Force jacket. The two Discovery Channel celebrities leaned annoyingly aggravated against the bench and looked up to Harry a bit tired and harried for their experience.

"What happened?" Harry looked them over without recognizing them "Frat party out of control?"

"No, sir, they blew up half of Central Park." Dan revealed matter-of-factly. Harry looked at the two men as if they were terrorists.

"Just the lake…." Savage confessed. "We needed a big enough body of water to absorb the dry ice, and technically, it wasn't an explosion, it was an implosion."

"Actually, your honor, " Jamie Hyneman took a deep breath after his humiliating arrest. "We had full cooperation of the park officials and the New York City Police Department. You see, we got this TV Series called _Mythbusters _on Discovery Channel and we bust urban myths. We were just experimenting to see if dry ice could truly empty a lake." He produced his paper work to reveal his permits.

"What's a Discovery Channel?" Roz stood by and looked over to Bull. She didn't watch much TV.

"It's like Disney Channel's older, smarter, big brother." Bull answered.

"Well, you're right…" Harry viewed the papers and looked them over for all the right signatures. "These are all in order. Well, then, why are you guys even here? Who was your arresting officer?"

"That was me, sir!" A hand rose up from behind Christine and she turned around to let Officer Michael Kelso, the idiot cop through to the bench. Kelso had been all over the news for stupid violations in the last few years from Point Place, Wisconsin, Detroit, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois and now Manhattan. Every time up screwed up, from letting criminals use his patrol car to escape or ticketing Jesse McCarthy for filming a music video in public, he was always dispatched to a new police department to be someone else's problem. In the police force, he was becoming known as sort of a hot potato. Dan and Christine stepped back to avoid the explosion.

"What are you? Some kind of idiot?!" Harry exploded at Kelso.

"Uh…" Kelso looked around. "Is that some kind of… trick question?"

"Charges dropped!" Harry pounded his gavel once to let Hyneman and Savage go then used it to pull the former stoner closer to him. "Look, son, I get over a million cases in here a week, and I don't need a screw-up officer in my district dragging in even more just because he doesn't know how to do his job!!!" He reamed the still inexperienced Kelso over the proverbial coals. "Get your head on straight or else get another job!!! Preferably one that doesn't have you carrying a gun!" Harry dropped his gavel trying to calm down, but Kelso just stepped closer and looked over the top toward Harry.

"Uh," He forced a nervous grin and rolled his eyes to Mac briefly. "My superior said if I screwed up once more that he was going to revoke my position permanently. I mean… he's not going to find out about this, is he?"

"He is now." Harry answered. At that reference, Kelso twisted round and cursed under his breath to march out upset and crestfallen.

"Jackie will never take me back after this…" He mumbled under breath past Dan and Christine. "I hope Hyde never finds out about…" His cell phone started buzzing. He picked it up and flicked it open. "Hello?"

"You arrested the Mythbusters????!" Steven Hyde had phoned him and started laughing. Michael could just roll his eyes and wander out of the courtroom embarrassingly upset.

"What's next, Mack?" Harry continued his anger abating.

"Another public disturbance and public mischief." Mac continued.

"Public disturbance..." Ross Gellar walked in. "Are we a disturbance?"

"No," His best friend Chandler disagreed. "Is that really what that says?" He tried to pry a look at the file.

"Your honor," Christine looked at the six people now crowded around her. The guys were cute, and the girls were perfect, and she hated them. "These six all live in two apartments in the same apartment house, but lately the other tenants have been complaining about their..."

"Cult-like tendencies." Dan read the complaint report.

"Can you explain that?" Harry didn't get it.

"You honor," Monica Gellar pushed forward. "We're friends. We take care of each other. We don't hurt each other. I mean, so what if our fun gets a little out of hand."

"Like riding refrigerator boxes down the stairs." Dan read the report. "And making popcorn in a dryer."

"I've done that." Bull stood nearby.

"We can't really be arrested for that can we." Joey asked as Harry stared back at them.

"Harry," Christine was peering through the file on Rachel Green. "Mrs. Green has been in another suit concerning her dancing naked in her apartment." Dan immediately looked upon the young lady in question with interest. Rachel just blushed and tried to hide from plain sight.

"Do you guys know if there's any empty apartments across from you guys?" He looked to Ross, Joey and Chandler.

"Who filed the grievance?" Harry wanted to know.

"The wives, girlfriends and a gay couple across the street." Christine continued.

"Any empty apartments?" Dan grilled the guys further. "Any at all?!"

"What are you people?" Harry asked. "A cult?"

"Are we a cult?" Chandler turned to Joey.

"No," His friend answered. "But Phoebe sometimes looks like she's been brainwashed." Phoebe smacked him upside the head.


	9. Chapter 9

11:25

Court was still in session and Thomas Sawyer sat in the cafeteria sitting across two chairs and talking on a cell phone. A bug-eyed guy sitting at the table next to him and reading a newspaper was watching him. Sawyer just annoyingly glared back at him. Without a word, he glared back to him and continued talking over the phone.

"Now, you're sure this is the guy…" He asked. "Yeah… yeah… No, They didn't get my real name. I mean, as James Ford I got a record you know, but not as Tom Sawyer…." He mugged and rolled his eyes. "Well, my flight leaves New York and I catch another to Australia from LAX. No problem, just be sure this is the guy." He clicked off his phone.

"Excuse me," Ben Linus lowered his newspaper. "Could you hand me the sugar?"

"What?" Sawyer stood up. "Is your arm broken, Yoda?" He slid the sugar jar over and turned round sliding to the annoying figure. Ben just mused secretly as if he'd be meeting Ford soon enough. Turning on his heel, Sawyer turned to a lovely female presence sitting at another table.

"Excuse me, you dropped your phone." He handed her phone over from her. He had snatched it from her purse when she wasn't looking.

"Oh, thank you!" Lorelei Gilmore beamed happily and looked up to Sawyer as he drifted out of the cafeteria. Turning out of the cafeteria, Tom Sawyer, AKA James Ford passed by Otis Campbell sitting on the shoeshine stand outside of Stone's courtroom. Waiting for his wife to come pick him up, he was wanting to something to wet his whistle and looked around wishing he could lose his sobriety for the wonderful world of the hangover.

"I remember you." He recognized the old lady in the prairie dress from when she passed through Mayberry. "You got the good stuff!"

"That I do," Granny Mae Moses looked around for her son-in-law. "Want a sip of God's good graces?" She pulled out her secret flask.

"Two fingers high." He watched as she sat by him on the bench, pulled out two small glasses and then filled them with the jug from her carpetbag.

"Here's to your health..." Granny clinked her glass with him.

"And everything that comes with it." Campbell grinned at his new drinking partner and downed the white lightning. Suddenly he felt a burst of heat and his insides on fire. His eyes bugged out a bit more as he gasped for air.

"That's the good stuff." He started to tip his glass again as a big black bat flew by the two of them.

"That's the last drink I'll ever have." He handed the glass back and hurried to meet his wife. Hookers and gang members scrambled as the bat glided through the hall. Flying openly through the middle of the hall, it was being chased a few steps behind by Buffy Summers clenching a stake in one hand and running with all her might. She watched the bat turn the corner and glide away trying to escape.

Bull Shannon was coming toward her. Whistling as he returned to the courtroom, he heard a ruckus behind him as William Collins, the son of Barnabas and Angelique Collins, and his ghost hunting team charged toward him for the bat. Bull turned toward them as the bat flew over him and barely grazed his baldhead.

"Tito, did you get out of Harry's cage?!" It was the last thing he said just before Summers and Collins both crashed into him from opposite directions. Bull went down as the ghost-hunters met the ultimate vampire slayer with the big bald bailiff between them caught in the middle. Buffy landed on her back as she looked up and saw Collins's face on top of her. He put his hands down around her, looked over her figure a minute and started hoisting himself up.

"You better not be enjoying this." Buffy felt violated after having the ghost hunter on top of her.

"Are you kidding?" William picked and dusted himself off as his team climbed off the trampled bailiff on the bottom. "You look like my sister!"

"Right..." Buffy looked around. "You idiots look down there. I'll look down there."

"Right..." Collins was eager to brush up on vampires, but slow to pick up on being insulted. "Hey!!"

Watching the slayer and the ghost-hunters split up, Lily Munster's father, Vladimir Dracula, the one true Count Dracula, poked his head out of the courtroom cafeteria. CJ Barnes was on the floor awaiting his case after picking up a prostitute. Ben Linus gave the alchemist and retired vampire a look and Lorelei Gilmore acknowledged him in his cape and Transylvanian suit. A short breathe of relief, the white-faced patriarch of the Munster clan reached down and helped Bull to his feet. He dusted him off a bit and felt as if he was bringing yet another monster to life.

"Are you okay there, buddy?" He asked the big bald bailiff. "You know, every time I go out in public, people like them want my autograph. Are you going to be okay?" Bull slowly turned his head as the feeling returned to his head.

"I'm fine..." Bull's vision blurred. "But Little Joe's trapped in the barn..." Bull temporarily forgot his identity.


	10. Chapter 10

11:54

Guilty over hurting Bull, William Collins had returned to treat him to coffee. The two of them sat at Bull's regular place at the center table looking at each other. Felling better and reminded that he didn't live at the Ponderosa, Bull sighed at the coffee and beamed back to William, one of his best friends.

"Thanks, I needed that." He mugged a bit looking at the adventurous heir. "I guess you're off to your hotel now."

"In a minute…" Collins stirred his tea. "I'm going to get something to eat here first."

"I wouldn't." Bull warned him. "I'd eat at the hotel. The food here ain't that good."

"What is it?" William looked at him. "It can't be that bad."

"Yes, it can." Bull insisted. "Actually, it's kind of disgusting."

"How disgusting?" William inquired. Someone had emerged from the kitchen to place dishes in the buffet line. Listening to Bull, he turned to meet William.

"Hi, I'm Mike Rowe." The host of "Dirty Jobs" met the ghost hunter and amiable bailiff. "And this is my job…"

"Sir," Back in the courtroom, Mac stood over Harry. "The last one!"

"Did you hear that?!" Harry grinned tiredly to Dan and Christine. "The last one!"

"Hooray!!" Christine cheered as Dan reacted distantly. "I knew doing all those hookers at once would save us time!"

"Lay it on me, Mac!!" Harry was ready to knock it down.

"Al Bundy, pan-handling." Mac watched as a balding man walked in hunched over. A sneer on his face, he was wearing a blue shirt with brown pants as he stared back to Harry tiredly.

"What's the story, prosecutor?" Harry looked to Dan.

"Well," Dan suddenly slowed down. "Sir,... the... vagrant... in... question... was... picked... up...for..."

"What is he doing?" Harry looked to Mac.

"Bucking for contempt?" Mac grinned.

"Panhandling... at... the... air...port." Dan irritatingly slowed even more as he stopped to catch a yawn even slower. Christine stared at him in disbelief and proceeded.

"Harry," She quickly chimed in. "Mr. Bundy's wife and children took all the money in his pockets as they departed for Chicago. He was trying to raise money to get home."

"Then all we got to do is turn him over to public services." Harry quickly answered and pounded his gavel. "That's it!! We're through!!"

"And two minutes to spare!" Mac looked at his watch as Dan stood in shock and tossed Bundy's file over his shoulder. He turned in a huff disgustedly and walked around Bundy looking back at him in confusion. Coming up behind Dan, Mac tapped the lecherous assistant district attorney on the shoulder and snapped his fingers.

"Oh, Dan..." He reacted in a little singsong kind of voice.

"Here!" Dan slammed a wad of money into his hand. "And I hope you choke on it!!!!"

"Oh, Dan," Mac grinned. "Don't be mad. You're putting my kids through college." He grinned ear-to-ear and stopped Bull from taking away Al. "Here, have some money to get home." He gave Al two hundred bucks.

"Really?" Bundy finally talked. "Well, then I'm going to Florida. My family can rot for all I care!"

Harry, Christine and Roz watched Bull take away the suddenly cheerful Bundy then smelled a rat. Roz grabbed Dan's collar.

"What's going on here?" She asked.

"Don't you do it, Dan." Mac looked up counting his wad of fresh cash.

"We had a bet!!" Dan confessed. "We had three days to get over that docket, but Mac said we could do it in one night!" Mac looked worried as everyone turned toward him. "It was all his idea to speed through it in one night!"

"You mean..." Harry grabbed his gavel and turned to Mac. "You were pushing us all night for a bet?"

"We went through that misery for nothing?!" Christine was livid. "I lost dinner out in a restaurant for you guys?!"

"I got punched in the face for a bet?!" Billie entered the courtroom after hearing the best part.

"Don't touch the sweater." Mac responded at to the angry crowd then made a run for it. Everyone charged after him through the double doors with Harry leading the way. Out the corner of his eyes, he saw Kelly again.

"Hey Harry." She beamed cheerfully innocent and unaware to what was happening.

"Oh, hi," Harry stopped for his favorite female cousin. "I'm just about to kill my court clerk." He paused and grinned back as they talked. "But first, dear old cousin of mine, we got to get you a place to live."

"Harry..." Kelly playfully rolled her eyes over the childhood infatuation she once had for him. "We're only cousins because my dad married your aunt. As far as a place to live, I made arrangements at the Susan B. Anthony."

"Great," He gradually recalled the old hotel. "Didn't two guys dressed up as women once stay there?" Harry and Kelly crossed arms over each other like old bosom buddies.

"I'm aware of it." Kelly responded.

"Now," Harry continued. "You'll need a job."

"Way ahead of you again, love of mine," Kelly answered again. "I dropped off my resume downstairs. Starting Monday, I'm your new public defender."

"That's great!" Harry hugged and kissed her platonically. "One rule to working here: stay away from Dan Fielding."

"Harry," She stopped and looked at him. "I'm a big girl now and you don't have to keep pretending to be my brother." She secretly wished they could have been much more than that.

"Repeat after me," He stared into her big blue eyes. "Stay away from Dan Fielding."

"Stay away from Dan Fielding." Kelly grinned at him.

"Fine," Harry paused. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to throw my court clerk off the roof." He tramped off with revenge in his eyes. Kelly smirked a bit, turned to a water fountain and pulled her long blonde locks aside for a drink. Posing a bit, she noticed Dan out the corner of her eye standing in the courtroom doors and checking her out.

"Hi," He grinned at her. "I'm Eugene Flatt… date me."

"It'd be a pleasure." She beamed vivaciously once more as he crossed his arm across her back. Her arm crossed behind his as her hand landed on his butt. They made a few steps and were stopped by a bald man coming to meet them.

"Hi," He introduced himself. "I'm Andrew Zimmern from _Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern_. I hear your cafeteria serves bugs?" He grinned excitedly.

END


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